so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
