I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
