Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize