If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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