can u get pink eye on your cock?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
