so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
