she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
