he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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