I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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