Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
