Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
