Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I need moral support for this bender
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
