Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
