I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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