My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Boobs speak an international language.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
