Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
