i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
In America we eat man semen.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
