I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
