walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
