I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
