i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
