At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
