i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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