Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
