There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
