So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
