sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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