I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
