my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
