I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
