I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
