Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
