We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
