so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
