Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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