just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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