we're blogging at a bar
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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