why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
