Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
