3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
