mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
