Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
