I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
