dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
