He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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