Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
