YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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