Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
