I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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