i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
