I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
