if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
In the future we'll all be gay
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize