Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
