I'm drive I can fine osifer
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
