just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
