I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
