I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
