I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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