I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
how do flat chested girls get laid?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
