dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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