I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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