dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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