She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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