dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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