i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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