she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
