I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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