Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dignity is for republicans.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
