You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
