You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
